A mother has recounted the heartbreaking moment she woke up and realized her young son had passed away in bed next to her. Amanda Saucedo, from Lorain, Ohio, was awakened when one-month-old Ben began fussing in the middle of the night.

She gave him a diaper change before taking him to bed with her to feed. A few hours later, when she checked on him, he was not breathing. He had passed away from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, according to an autopsy report (SIDS).

The mother of two, a former soldier in the US army, fell asleep. At eight in the morning, she recognized something was seriously wrong. Ben was found lifeless in a pool of his blood. The heinous act took place on November 11, 2014. It continues to bother Amanda today. Amanda has a five-year-old son named Trae. “I turned to see my dear Ben, who was next to me as usual,” she remarked to The Scientific Parent. “I screamed when I saw the blood. It was simply a terrifying nightmare.”

Ben, my 30-day-old son, was lying in a pool of blood when I looked over and was in shock. His face was pale, and one of his nostrils was jammed halfway down. I grabbed him and shook him gently while screaming, “Ben! Get up! Ben!” It was too late, though. My son had left.

I realized that he was no longer there and could not be revived. The operator kept asking me if I wanted to start CPR while I took him downstairs and spoke to her on the phone. Every time, I informed her that there was no use because he had already left. He no longer resembled my Ben, and his body was stiff in my arms. I was aware there was no chance. He disappeared for a while.

After the police questioned Amanda regarding her drug and alcohol use, the case was forwarded to an investigation. The doctor was only asked one question:

“Was Ben in pain when he passed away?” When the coroner retorted that infants this small generally don’t feel pain from suffocation, Amanda’s guilt consumed her. She knew she had murdered her son, but she was baffled.

The coroner stated that Ben had suffocated when Amanda fell asleep since smothering is another synonym for suffocation. The investigator made it plain that they were looking for Amanda’s responsibility despite Amanda’s protests that nothing was restricting Ben’s airway. Without any solutions, Amanda was left feeling lost and confused.

The cause of death was stated as positional “asphyxiation owing to unsafe sleep settings,” even though there was no evidence to support it. The fact that this story is real makes it even worse. Furthermore, it doesn’t get any easier.

When Amanda learned of the choice, she reportedly became “furious and plagued by guilt.” She said: “People usually want to make their assumptions and hypotheses about what must have gone wrong when incidents like this occur. “Accidents in bed only happen to drunk, high, or obese people, right?”

This parent or caregiver was not following the safe sleep guidelines established by parenting experts. Sadly, it happens frequently, and people are often eager to point fingers. There is a need to address the fact that healthy newborns do perish away.

Amanda has realized that her life will always be separated into two parts: before her son’s death and after. She wants to do everything she can to prevent others from going through the same anguish she did after losing her kid. Amanda is now discussing SUDI, SIDS, and the dangers of sleeping next to a young child.

Even though she knows this information is only sometimes well-received, she understands she must teach parents about healthy sleeping practices. Science has shown time and time again that sharing a bed with an infant is dangerous, but many people tell Amanda that they still want to sleep with their child next to them.

Amanda recognizes their perspective but also knows that she would never want anyone to feel the sense of shame and absurdity that comes with being unable to determine whether her child’s death might have been prevented.